anxious...but not.

warning: after writing this, I realized it is a lot of rambling!

well i am starting to feel anxious....kind of... the only thing that i really feel anxious about is meeting our new baby and the unknown of having a c-section. i do not always like going into situations where i do not know what to expect. so even though my doctor has walked me through it and the surgical nurse gave me some info... i still am concerned. some people have told me the pain is completely manageable while others have said it is horrible. i have had major surgeries before and tolerated them pretty well (at least i think) but never a c-section. 

i have to admit that i am also sad that i will not get to hold my baby right away. with all of the other three, well i guess with the exception of cullan (that is a whole other story) i have been able to just hold my baby as soon as they were born. this baby i will not get to hold for a while. i try not to think about it to much. i know it is silly but the thought keeps popping in my head, what if the baby does not bond with me because i do not get to hold them right away. i know that is silly because i have lots of friends that have had c sections, and their children love them with all their hearts. it is just a silly thought that keeps popping in my head.

on the other end of the spectrum, the hours seem to be dragging by today. i feel like i keep looking at the clock and saying...really only 2..3...4 o clock. i am hoping that tomorrow goes faster than today. i have to be at the hospital early in the morning to do some pre-op blood work and have my last ultrasound. they want to check the size one more time and make sure the baby is still looking good.  then after that i will come home, make the kids lunch, finish cleaning upstairs and putting away laundry! (exciting..i know). then tomorrow, the boys have their last night of karate.  they are sad. garran and i have debated on whether or not to sign them up again for the next session. it starts right away and the boys have asked, but with the holidays coming and things like that, we always have to consider our budget. I am hoping we can figure something out so they can go. They really love it and it has been nice to have some thing for them to do to get some energy out and make some friends since neither one of them are doing preschool this year. 

(plus, i think cullan is not going to last much longer outside. he came inside today and said it was to cold to play outside. it is jacket weather for sure, but I had to laugh. i just thought poor kid...you are in for a rough winter if you think this is to cold to play outside in. ;0)

well i feel like I am rambling now!! I plan to post our traditional day before the baby is born picture tomorrow, even though I am dreading it and hate doing it. The kids always like to look at those sort of pictures so i figure I do it for them! One more day...and then it will be time to go!!