my new reality

this is my new reality.

and I honestly could not finish this. it was so to much.

it is so weird to think that this little bit fills me up so much that I am literally uncomfortable. 

it is definitely a new reality for me.

this whole journey will be something new for me each day i think. I am ready though. I am ready for change. I knew this would not be easy and I am ready for the challenge. I will be even more ready for the fight when I am over this soreness. Then watch out new self..I am coming and I mean business!!

my first few days at home.

well, lets see. where do i begin.

after being home for about 30 minutes, one of my over enthusiastic children jumped on the couch to sit next to me and put there knee in my stomach. So I think they busted an internal stitch. At least that is what the doctor thinks. 

although i will take it, to be back near all my babies. I missed them. Even though they were wild when I walked in the door and have not calmed down much, its ok. That is our normal life and I would not trade it. 

Somethings that I am having a hard time with even though I knew they were coming.

*soreness- I hate being sore after surgery, and boy am I. I have pain meds but I don't care for them because they make me feel a little sick. 

*tiredness- I was not prepared for how exhausted I would be. I knew I would be tired but I am really wiped. Not only is my body trying to heal from surgery but the number of calories that I am eating has decreased considerably, so my body is trying to heal and does not have to much fuel to run on.  it will get better, i just need to give it time. I am not sorry I did this, just am tired. 

*water/liquids- I have to drink a lot of water. No soda, very little juice, I can have protein shakes, but still a lot of water. It is hard to get it all in because you feel full so quickly and it is not fun if you go past the full point. You just feel like you are going to get sick. Luckily I have not thrown up yet, but I hate the feeling. 

other than that, i have been overwhelmed by all of the wonderful messages of encouragement people have left on facebook. They just make me happy. I was really worried about how people would respond and this has made it so much easier. 

i have received flowers from my aunt that are just beautiful!

and we have had friends come by with meals and just to check in on us. 

I have been blessed with wonderful family that has stayed with the kids while I am in the hospital and that are coming for extra help this coming week. I am so grateful for everyone being so willing to help. it really does mean a lot!! 

I will keep everyone posted in the next few days. I am hoping my soreness goes down and things start to slowly get back to normal!!

the big day!

Garran, myself and my dad came into Chicago the night before and stayed in a hotel just so we would not have to fight trafic and all of that wonderfulness! ;0)

I want to try and document as much of this as possible. 

So this was yesterday morning before surgery. My final before pictures. 

so this was the morning of Sept. 26 2012

 front

 side

i had to check in around 10:00. Then I spend about 2 hours in pre op just going over things, getting iv's in place, all of that fun stuff. 

 Of course I wanted a picture with my handsome hubby. He has been amazaing through all of this. He originally did not want me to get the surgery just because he is not crazy about me having any kind of surgery. But the more we were both educated, the more he became a little more comfortable. I know he was glad when it was over. 

I just have to say, I love this man!

 and me after my iv. it was actually not all that bad. Usually the IV is the worst part of the hospital for me, but not this time!

 Here I am just waiting. I am so not good at waiting on things sometimes. 

 surgery went really well apparently. at least that is what i heard from garran and my dad. I was a little sore afterwards, but for te most part m recovery in the hospital had been really good. 

my view this morning when they came in to take my vitals. very pretty.

and my cup!! I get to work on one of these each hour!! Pretty exciting I know!

again, thanks for all the love and support you guys have shown. it has made me feel so loved!

updates!!

If you are wondering how things are going so far.. you can click the picture below to go to my other blog and see pics and updates!! 

thanks for all of your kind words and sweet comments!

a little secret.

so at the beginning of the year, I said in a post that I had some things that i was working on but that i was not ready to share yet. well now i am. 

i have been keeping a little secret, but now it is out. if you click on this picture over in the side bar, it will explain everything!

t-10 and counting

well...here we go. it's surgery eve. 

all i am doing is waiting for the call to find out what time I need to be at the hospital tomorrow. 

family is coming into tonight to help with littles. 

I still need to pack, but other than that I guess I am as ready as I am going to be.

People are starting to hear that I am having surgery and so I wanted to do a quick explanation of why I did not say anything sooner and why I am choosing to do this. 

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Tomorrow I will be having bariatric surgery. 

I have decided to do this for a couple reasons. 

1. I have always struggled with my weight. I was heavy as a child and all through school. I was active in sports and things like that but I was always the heaviest on my team and was always frustrated at the lack of ability to loose the weight I wanted too. My mom took me to the doctor in junior high when she noticed that I was not loosing weight either despite my different sports activities and things like that.  It turned up that I had a thyroid problem and have had it ever since. 

I have been pretty lucky because despite my weight, I have been really healthy. I have never had problems with high blood pressure, diabetes, or anything like that. 

Then I started having kids. The weight that I gained never seemed to go away. It would just stay. I might loose a little hear or there, but never get it completely off. And so my weight just continued to creep up with each baby. Finally by my last, Ayla, my body had just had enough I think. I developed gestational diabetes with her and after her birth I was pre-diabetic and my blood pressure started to creep up. That is when I knew I had to do something serious. Both of my grandfathers suffered heart attack and people in my family have issues with high blood pressure. I am going to be 32 this November and I don't want to start dealing with these issues at such a young age if at all. 

2. I want to feel good. I really enjoy working out. I work out right now sometimes 3-5 days a week. I enjoy Zumba and swimming. However my body hurts after I work out and I know that it is contributed to my weight. Not to mention I had back surgery after giving birth to Kael. My weight is a real factor in the possibility of me having to repeat that surgery again. 

3. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up. I want to grow old with my husband. I don't to be restrained or restricted because of my weight when I get older. I want to be able to run and play with my grandkids and do all of the traveling that Garran and I dream of now. 

I know that a lot of people think this is an easy out. That could not be further from the truth. This process has taken me a year to complete. I had to go to multiple classes to learn about vitamins, eating, exercise, calories, etc. 

I had to meet with a dietician regularly to track my progress and show that I was serious about the program. 

I also had to meet with a psychologist. We spoke for a while about why I was interested in doing this surgery. 

The program that I am apart of is very in depth and definitely not something you go into one day and the next day you are on the table. I can honestly say that I have never felt more prepared for a surgery in my entire life. 

There is no easy out with this. If you don't do the work, it won't work. If you go in and have the surgery and go home and think..."Oh, now I have this tiny stomach I can eat whatever I want", you would be dead wrong. Yes people have had this surgery and gained the weight back...They did not follow the program. You have to stay on the diet, you have to count your calories, and you have to exercise. That is the bottom line.

I would be lying if I said that I was not a little excited at the idea of being a smaller size. What girl doesn't have that thought? But my real intention is to be healthy, for me, and for my family. 

I know I will run into criticism. I already have with some of the people that I have started to tell. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. This is my choice. It is my way of trying to get healthy. 

My surgeon used a really good analogy that I like to think of when I am explaining my reasons for doing this surgery. 

For someone in my position who is heavy, but active. Who has been following a diet for a year now and exercising regularly, and still not lost a decent amount of weight, this is what he told me. He said, "You are the perfect candidate for this surgery. You are focused and are following the plan." Then he used the analogy. He told me to imagine standing at the starting line of a race. He said everyone is there standing normally, ready to run. But I am there with a book bag with all these extra weights in it. No matter how hard I try it will be harder for my body to keep up with the "normal" runners. So this surgery takes that book bag off my back. It puts my body on an even playing field to loose the weight and to have success when I diet and exercise. 

I know some people are wondering why I waited so long to say anything about the surgery. Well in the process I went through you don't get clearance for the surgery until the very end. And once you are approved you get your surgery date pretty quickly. 

Another reason, honestly, was that I was not sure how to bring it up. Like I said, I am never a 100% sure of what the reaction will be. 

So..that being said. Tomorrow is the day. Secrets out! 

Family and Friends that have said they wanted updates, Garran will have my phone. We ask that all surgery questions be sent to that phone, so that both phones are not ringing. 

I will be posting from the hospital on how everything went, as I will just be sitting there recovering. 

Wish me luck!

tired.

laying on a roll of paper towels and covering up with a pillow case.

this poor little girl is tired and not feeling well. 

poor thing. 

it all started with a tooth.

we originally decided to make a video for the grandparents to show them how Cullan had just lost his tooth. 

however my children and their humorous ways led to something else all together. i love their silly ways.

The wind in her Hair!

I wish we all could take time in life to laugh at the wind and enjoy the little things.

This video makes me smile every time I watch it.

At the finish line..of sorts.

Well here it is, Saturday night, the 22nd. I am 4 days away from surgery. I almost can not believe it. I can not believe that it is here. I have been on a liquid diet with some protein here and there. It has been a long couple of days, but nothing I could not handle. It's all part of the journey. So i had my pre-op physical and of course my thyroid is off. When is it not?!?! However the surgeon is not concerned and it should not postpone anything having to do with the surgery.

so now....

more of the dreaded photo updates. I always hate this because I never see the kind of progress that I want to...but i do see a little here and there. I have to remember my moto...Every pound is one less pound I am carrying around with me. 

So far I have lost 24 pounds... It fluctuates from day to day, but I try to track it by weighing in every Monday. 

Ok enough stalling...here are the photos. 

Here is my photo from May

 Here is my photo from September.

My surgery is September 26. 

I will be updating from the hospital on how surgery went and also my progress after I go home. Wish me luck. 

Tea Time!

The other day Briea was invited to her very first tea party. 

She was over the moon excited. 

It was all she could talk about before school and as soon as I picked her up that was her first question....

"Is it time for my tea party??"

Here are Briea and her friend Maggie

 Is this picture cute or what?!?

 Princess Maggie

 Waving Wands, Granting Wishes, Standard Princess Business

 Buddies

 Enjoying tea party snacks. 

 Tea party friends

Briea, Maggie, Isaac

 Just the girls

Maggie's mom did a great job. Briea came out to the van afterwards and said.."Maggie's mommy is really nice and fun." 

I guess I did not think about how much of a hit a tea party would be but know I do!!

Thanks Maggie for the invite!

doctors & dates

I had to go into the city for a doctors appointment this afternoon. 

Garran came with me so that we could have a date as well. Don't you just love the gowns!

Lovely!

 After we were done with the doctor, we walked around downtown for a little while and went in some stores and just enjoyed seeing all the different things you get to see while your in the city. 

 They had a series of gardens with the dragons that looked like they were diving from one  to the next...very cute. 

 A statue on her way home. 

 Lake Michigan at sunset. 

 and last but not least...

Barbie greeting all the traffic that this little work van meets. 

We went to dinner at this wonderful little restaurant called, Spacca Napoli. 

It was a beautiful night, so we sat outside. 

The food was delicious!!

 and my date was pretty cute. 

 I was happy...I love date nights!!

after dinner we walked around again for a little while and then found this place. 

I took a picture for my step dad... His name is George. 

 They had the most delicious ice cream. 

They were rated one of the top places in Chicago to go for dessert. 

 My dessert was DELICIOUS!! 

However it was very rich. 

I could not even finish it. 

We also decided to bring some treats home for the kids. 

We thought these animal cookies would be a hit...and they were!!

Such a fun day with the hubby!

I hope we get to do it again soon!

Parent Orientation

The other night was "Parent Orientation" at the boys school. 

We got to go and see the boy's classrooms and meet their teachers. 

First we met Ms. H, Cullan's teacher. 

If I am being completely honest, I am not sure about her. 

She did not say one positive thing about the kids in her presentation. All she did was complain about how chatty and wiggly they were. There are some other things that I am not crazy about, but I am hoping for the best and that all work out. 

 Here is Cullan's drawing.

The purple on the side of his face is the blue part of the glasses that go around his eyes. 

 These are his favorites:

color : red, with a hint of blue

food: orange chicken

animal: dog

sport: baseball

game: (not sure honestly)

Then we went to go visit Mrs. B. 

She is just a great teacher. We loved her with Cullan and I know we will with Kael as well. 

Here is his all about me poster outside the room. 

I still can't believe my little Kael is in kindergarten.

sad day.

my camera is fading fast. 

my beloved nikon that i have had for 5 years and have taken more pictures than one could imagine, is wearing out. The button you push to take the pictures is not working. I looked into replacing it, but they do not make my camera anymore. I am sure that I could find the part, but I have no idea how to repair it myself. so my pictures will be less frequent from now on or will just have to come from my phone for a while. 

I will miss my old friend. ;0(

Happy Grandparents Day!!

Happy Grandparent's Day to some wonderful Grandparents!

Sick.

Poor Ayla has been battling a stomach bug for about a week. 

It has been no fun. 

Long nights...which means long days. 

I think she is finally over it. 

She looks so grown up here but at the same time she is so tiny. 

She will be 2 on the 21st of October and only weighs 28lbs. 

She is just my little bean.

For Real!!

My Girls.

I love all of my children. I think that they are all unique and amazing in their own ways. I have a special connection with my boys that is different than my girls. 

But I just love how sweet my girls are to me. 

They are cuddly and are both at a fun age right now where they love being around me and want to include me in everything.

I love it.

I see with my boys how quickly they grow up. 

My boys are still excited to show me things and have me be a part of things, but they are already showing signs of wanting those little pieces of independence.

sorry the pictures are grainy. they are off my cell phone. 

total mom moment

so recently my life has gone back into full swing. 

kids are in school. 

husband is in last year of grad school.

i have also taken on watching a friend of mines adorable 3 month old son when she was offered a job that she really wanted. 

On top of all that, I was recalled as the 1st counselor in the YW. 

So my days pretty much look like this!!

BUSY!

But busy in a good way. In a kind of way that you feel like you have been productive at the end of the day. 

But with these crazy busy days..come consequences. 

Tonight I went to Zumba!!

Which I LOVE LOVE LOVE by the way!!

Anyways..... we were at the end of class and we were doing a stretching....

something like this...

I am really feeling like I got a good workout when I hear the lady in the row ahead of me say, 

"Hey.....Hey"

I look up feeling a little confused because no one else was talking and I look at her with kind of - Can I help you eyes.

She then says.. "I think you are bleeding."

I say "WHAT?"

Again she says, "I think you are bleeding....On your leg."

I look down to see this long streak of red on the front of my shin. 

Although it was not really running like blood. 

It was more just stuck in place...

I put my finger on it and it was sticky....as if it had been there a while. 

I am sure to this lady was horrified as i scrape some off, smell it and then taste it. 

"No Worries I say....Just Ketchup!!"

She look mortified. 

Looking back, licking it probably was not the best choice. 

Guess I just did not think about it in the moment. 

Now to the real question...

How did I get ketchup on my shin and how long had it stayed there to become a gooey substance??

I am guessing it was from the hotdogs I gave the kids for dinner...that is my best bet anyways!

Ah the joys of motherhood!!

ps. I am guessing that lady and I are not going to be zumba buddies. I am pretty sure I just black listed myself in her book. Probably with good cause!! :0)

1st Day

Briea had her first official day of school. 

She was so excited. 

We tried on a couple different outfits. She finally picked one she really liked. 

 She looks so grown up to me. 

Ayla was super excited. She was thinking she was going to school as well. Briea looks nervous in this picture but she was just the opposite. I did not even get a hug once we got to class. She took off and found things to play with. I heard "bye mom" over her shoulder. That was it. Day two seems to be just as exciting as she jumped out of the car this morning!!!

How they see things....

Kael just told Garran and I that people in our town don't like the letter P. Garran and I were both a little confused when he said that he saw a bunch of signs around town with the letter P in a circle with a line through it. Then it dawned on us.... No Parking LOL