motivation

I have been working with Cullan on these sight word flash cards all week. 

He had been doing ok. He would average between 50 to 60% accuracy with about 40 cards. 

I could tell that he would get board and would just kind of guess. He would say words that did not even sound similar to the word we were working with. 

So tonight, I thought I would switch it up. 

 I bought a bag of M&M's and put one on each card as I laid them out on the table. 

Guess what I figured out...

Cullan just needed a little motivation...

and I found it.

With M&M's on the cards his accuracy went up to about 95% accuracy. 

Go figure. 

He knew the words and even the few that he was not sure about he was pretty close. 

That kid can be such a stinker. 

Well we not be doing M&M's every night, but maybe I will break them out when I need to see just how much he actually knows. 

because,

sometimes I just have to take a break from cleaning and take cute pictures of my kiddos.

and now back to cleaning!

allergy frustration.

can i just say, i hate allergies.

I gave Briea a sample of a cookie at HyVee today. I checked to make sure that they were ok. I thought they were but I guess they had something in them that she was allergic to. Pretty sure I will just have to say no more samples. Her poor face is broken out on both sides and down her neck. I am seriously praying that she out grows some of these. 

my little girl.

This is how it has been at our house the last few days.

We have all taken turns laying on the couch feeling miserable. 

It has been, well, Miserable!

This little girl has had a fever and a cough that she just can not shake. 

However, despite not feeling well, she has been so sweet to me. While I have not been feeling well, she has not left my side. While I was laying on the couch, she would sit by my feet, quietly just watching the movie I had put on for them to watch. 

When I decided to sleep on the couch, because I thought it would be easier that way, she slept down stairs with me. 

When I got sick in the middle of the night, she rolled over, half awake and said, "you ok mama?". I told her I was and she said, "don't do that again, that not good". I told her I would try. Then she rolled back over and drifted right back off to sleep. 

Sometimes when you are sick, it is hard to remember to be thankful for those sharp elbows and hard knees that seem to know just where to poke. But moments like that help me to remember why I need to be thankful for them. Briea has been so sweet to me while I have been sick. She has kept watch over me and tried to be as helpful as an almost three year old can be. 

I love all of my children very much.

Today I just wanted to acknowledge Breia's sweetness and her tender little heart. 

frazzled.

I am always posting cartoon images of a frazzled woman. 

well here is the sad truth. 

this is me, right after waking up from sleeping on the couch with a sick child all night.

I decided to post this picture because as I was sitting on the couch i saw my reflection at just how "AWESOME" I looked, only to look over and see briea playing on the steps with her rapunzel doll and dragging her nose across the stairs to clean it off. 

one word came to mind. 

FRAZZLED!

REALLY?!?!?!?!

here is the background to my story:

I have not been happy with our bank for a while. I hate their on line set up for banking and I have been shopping for a new bank for a while. So I had heard really good things about this other bank in town and decided to give it a try. here is what happened.

I went in to set up a checking and savings account. When I walk in a VERY bubbly brunette approaches me and is overly excited about talking to me. I can appreciate good customer service and think to myself, "Well at least they are happy about having our business.". So i sit down to start giving this, what I can only guess is an early 20 something girl my information. She is very chatty with me and with whom ever she was texting as well. I guess she thought that I might want in on the exciting conversation she was having with her cousin Erica, because she started to fill me in. As she sipped on her frappa-mocca-decaf-lattee, she told me about her cousins break up and how she was not wanting to go to class. Somehow in our extensive conversation she brings up that her cousin attends the university and is an art major. I don't know why i prolonged my pain but I stated that my husband was a grad student in the art department. So then we spent ten minutes texting her cousin, who apparently knew everyone in the art building, to see if she knew my husband. (I don't know if I mentioned that I did not care one bit if Erica knew Garran) moving on. 

So finally we are back on track with the account info when she brings up past banking. she asked where all we have lived and I proceed to tell her that we lived in iowa for 10 years before moving to illinois. At the news of this, she became almost giddy. "oh my gosh...are you serious?? i have always wanted to marry a boy with an accent. don't those boys from iowa have accents?". AT this point I could only sit there with a blank stare. I mean I guess Iowa people have an accent. I do remember when I moved to Iowa from North Carolina, everyone sounded funny to me. But really, I mean Iowa to Illinois just did not seem that different. So I said, well I guess it depends on where you are from. To which she responds, "Ya, you know right!". Did I mention she said RIGHT after just about everything. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but by the end of my hour there, I was so ready to be done. 

Since then I have done all my banking online.

girls

my girls

Valentines Cards

I saw these on pinterest and decided to make them for the boys for their classes this year. 

i think that they turned our pretty cute.

the boys really liked them. 

so did i!!

Date Night...Finally!!!

I had to go into Chicago for a doctor's appointment so Garran decided to make a date night out of it.

I love the city at night. 

Here we are on Michigan Ave, with all the city lights. 

 Garran had wanted to take me to China town for a long time now. He had some dumplings when he was there for an art conference and has wanted to take me.

 the sign says China Town, but it is blurry.

 we found this great little place and it had fun atmosphere. Plus i had a handsome fella to look at too. 

 Everything on the menu looked really yummy except for the last thing....

hmmm.....Lard with rice.

Needless to say, we did not give it a try.

Garran and the long awaited dumplings. 

I have to admit, they were delicious. 

You can really tell the difference between authentic Chinese food and well, the other stuff. 

It was a much needed and much loved date night. 

We don't get them or take them as often as either of us would like. 

Life just gets busy and we enjoy the time we do get together.

Ms. B's Valentines Day Bash

Cullan's classroom had a Valentines Day party and luckily my and Garrans schedule worked out so that I was able to attend. 

(I love when that happens)

When I got there, the room mom, Heidi, had different centers set up.

(Heidi, is below on the left. She is very nice)

She was handling the snack center.

then the other room mom made heart shaped boxes with the kids that had their pictures on it. 

it was very cute. 

Cullan's made it home before it was all torn up. 

Little boys are just rough on stuff. 

The next center was the monster table. 

Love Monster!

They each got a sheet with a blank monster and a sheet of stickers. 

Here is Cullan hard at work on his monster. 

I like that it has an ipod in its hand.

Next up was giving out the Valentines cards. 

that was my station. 

I took a picture of Cullan with one of his Valentine's Day cards. 

It was a fun little party and I was grateful that I was able to be there and spend the afternoon with Cullan and his class!

Valentine's Dinner

This year we had our annual Valentines day dinner as a family. 

The kids always look forward to it and so do I!

This year we had BBQ chicken, potatos and salad.

It was a fun dinner by candle light.

I saw this balloon bouqet at the dollar tree and thought it would be fun to add as our center piece. 

Plus the kids love balloons.

 They also had these really cute labels at Walmart that you could put on your drinks to give them a little more of a Valentines day feel. 

 Ayla really enjoyed drinking out of our "fancy" (plastic) Valentines day glasses.

Hope everyone enjoyed their Valentines day and told those around them just how much they loved them and how important they are to them. 

100 Days of School

for the 100th day of school, Cullan had to take a poster to school.

it could be anything, but it had to have 100 of something on it. 

we talked about a couple different ideas, but in the end, the mustaches won out. I printed off 100 mustaches and we cut them out. 

then Cullan drew faces on each one of the mustaches. I have to say, it was pretty darn cute. 

he has a great imagination and loves to draw. 

guess it runs in the family!

Happy 100 Days of Kindergarten Cullan!!

A Farewell Fit for A Hero.

This weekend was one of the hardest I have been through in a while.

Friday we traveled to Iowa to say goodbye to our sweet little friend Oliver.

Oliver's battle ended with a nasty form of cancer, called DIPG.

It is an aggressive tumor that has no cure. Only treatments that can try to prolong life.

I remember getting the phone call from Stacy after they had gone for the MRI.

I remember sitting in our brown chair in our living room. I remember seeing the number come up on the caller ID and having a gut feeling that she had bad news. I remember hearing tears before words. And then the words. Ollie has a brain tumor....9-15 months....tears. After hanging up, I sat stunned in the living room. Before I knew it I was crying. I called Garran into the living room and broke the news to him. I had known Stacy since before Oliver was born. Garran had got to know him as an infant when we started dating. Our lives had been intertwined with the Palmers ever since. We both cried, agreeing we would do what we could, to try and be there for them and help in anyway possible.

Then, six months later we moved. I felt horrible. I felt like I was deserting my friend when she needed friends the most. However, Grad school would not wait. I tried to do what I could from a distance, and we got together when we could. It was not the same as living in the same state, but we were still able to make some fun and happy memories together when we did visit.

Then Thursday morning I was laying in bed and my phone rang again. This time when I looked at the caller ID and saw my friends name, I knew what I was going to hear. "Ollie is gone. He passed away early this morning." Plans were made and I said we would see them the next day.

I spent most of Saturday helping Stacy and some other friends get photos together and things ready to take to the funeral home the following night. We laughed at old memories and sweet photos of her little boy. It was good to be with my friend and feel as though I was helping in some small way.

Then came Sunday. The visitation. The funeral home had done a wonderful job with Oliver and while he looked great, it was heartbreaking to see him laying there. You would think two years of knowing he was sick and that his tumor had no cure would somehow prepare you for that moment. But it did not.

Ed and Stacy along with the kids went in first to see him, and then other family and close friends followed. It was an honor to be in that group. The visitation was from 4-8 and there was a steady crowd of people the whole time. It was so heart warming to see what a wonderful effect Oliver had on peoples lives. I think it payed a great tribute to him and to his parents.

What touched my heart the most about the visitation was the Waterloo Fire Department. Oliver had been made a Honorary Fire Fighter. Due to that fact, there was a fire fighter in their dress uniform standing guard at the foot of Oliver's casket during the entire visitation. They would switch every 30 minutes, almost in a changing of the guard fashion. It was so emotional to see the reverence they showed and the respect they had for Oliver.

The next day at his funeral was even harder for me personally. It seemed that the full weight of Oliver's death seemed to hit me all at once. Garran and I sat with the family and some other close friends at the church in a private room and had our chance to say our last goodbyes. I was trying to hold back on the tears but failed miserably. Stacy tried to reassure me as I hugged her by saying "It's ok Meg, Oliver knows we are both ball baby's." I agreed.

As I stepped out of the room to head to the chapel, fire fighters again lined the hallway. The lump in my throat only grew bigger. As I made my way into the chapel and up to the stage, I kept telling myself I really needed to pull it together. As I took my seat, I was again overwhelmed by the sheer number of people there. I knew there would be a lot, but to sit, looking out into the audience. It was overwhelming. I could not help but feel joy for my friends. What a wonderful feeling for Ed and Stacy to know that in 10 years they had raised a child that had touched this many people and so many more that were not even able to attend.

The program began as the fire fighters entered, taking their seats on the stage behind us. And then Oliver was brought in, followed by Ed, Stacy and Eden. After they were seated the bishop spoke. Two friends of Oliver spoke. (ya not a dry eye in the house) then it was my turn. I tried my hardest to honor Oliver and pay tribute to him while I spoke. Garran was next, followed by Bishop Fagerston and President Oesterle. Then Ed spoke beautifully about his son. It was a wonderful talk with a wonderful message. Next Stacy spoke, right from her heart. She thanked everyone and really shared her heart with others. My tears returned as she asked people to not be afraid to speak about Oliver. She said her biggest fear is that he will be forgotten. While I know that is a very real fear for them, I just can't imagine that a little boy with such a big spirit and effect on people could ever be forgotten.

After the services, Oliver was honored one last time. He was escorted to the cemetery by two police cars and a fire truck. At each intersection there were police men saluting and any time we passed a fire house, the trucks were out with their lights on. Of course fire trucks and police cars lined the entrance to the cemetery. It was overwhelming. What a fitting tribute for a little boy that shared so many attributes with those brave men and women.

As I said when I spoke, I love Oliver and I will miss him.

I am so thankful to Ed and Stacy for inviting us to be apart of Oliver's farewell. We are grateful for the opportunity to share our memories and love for him.

Below is his obituary:

WATERLOO - Oliver Young Palmer, 10, of Waterloo, died Thursday, Feb. 16, at the Cedar Valley Hospice Home.

He was born July 11, 2001, in Waterloo, son of Edward and Stacy Boardsen Palmer. He was a fifth-grade student at Fred Becker Elementary School, formerly Edison Elementary School.

Survived by: his parents of Waterloo; a sister, Eden at home; two brothers, Jaren and Phineas, both at home; paternal grandparents, David and Janine Palmer of Waterloo; maternal grandparents, John and Ellen Boardsen of Waterloo; maternal grandmother, Karen Young of Waterloo; paternal great-grandfather, Edward Solie of Utah; and maternal great-grandparents, Warren and Margaret Young of Clinton.

Preceded in death by: paternal grandparents, Freeman and Mahala Palmer; paternal great-grandmother, Eva Solie; maternal great-grandparents, Einar and Phyllis Boardsen; and a stepuncle, Alex Swygman.

Services: 11 a.m. Monday at Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at Garden and Pleasant Drive, Cedar Falls, with private family committal in Mount Olivet Cemetery. Visitation from 4 to 8 p.m. today at Hagarty-Waychoff-Grarup Funeral Service on South Street.

Memorials: may be directed to the Oliver Palmer Benefit Account at Veridian Credit Union, in lieu of flowers.

Condolences may be left at www.hagartywaychoffgrarup.com.

Oliver enjoyed playing baseball, fishing, archery, camping, playing video games, watching movies, and teaching himself how to play the piano. He loved the Iowa Hawkeyes football and basketball teams. He enjoyed attending the Dance Marathon, but most of all he enjoyed spending time with his family and friends.

Oliver

(a lady in Nauvoo Illinois did this for Ed & Stacy. They gave us a copy)

Oliver Palmer

July 11, 2001-February 16, 2012

Oliver passed peacefully this morning around 4:15am.

We will miss this little boy more than words. However, I am thankful that he is not suffering and that he can be at peace. I pray for his family as I know that the road of grieving will not be an easy one. Please pray for them. DIPG is such an ugly monster to steal your child. Pray for research. Pray for a cure. Pray that no more children will have to pass away without answers. 

Im honored!

who knew someone would write a song about my life!!

thanks jean.

i love it.

sadness and life

it seems as though my heart as been so heavy for the last few weeks. it is miserable watching others that you care about suffer and go through things like losing children or watching their children die. no one should have to go through that. sadly suffering is part of this life. it does not make it fair. but it does happen. it has made me think a lot about our own little family. 

i have started looking at my own children recently and wonder how I am doing. (I am not really writing this for any response. More just to journal)

today i was not feeling well. I have been super sick all day and pretty much hung on the couch in between trips to the bathroom. I was watching the girls play together on the floor and just started to think. 

i started to wonder how I am doing as a mother. I know that there is always things that we can improve on. but I wonder if they are happy. if they will look back on their childhood, will they have happy memories. i hope so. i think if i were to lose one of them tomorrow, or if they became sick, would what they have lived so far be full of happiness and love. it makes me want to do more. not necessarily run out and spend money on them or anything like that. However I do want to try harder to make more and better memories for them. I want them to life every minute of their life. 

i know it is unrealistic to think that we can be having fun every day all day non stop. i do think that you can take the small moments though and make time for laughter, for silliness, for love. there are days like to  day when i can not remember laughing at all. when i feel so sick, or tired or just so busy that it seems like their are not enough hours in the day.

what i have decided is that their are never going to be enough hours in the day for it all. for all the chores. for all the errands. for all the love and laughter. so i will just have to change some priorities. i have to stop worrying about what others think so much. worry about if others think i am successful or not as a mom, wife, homemaker.  

there is a sign that i have seen in others homes that i love. it says, "sorry my house is a mess, my children are busy making memories". That is how i am going to be from now on. so if you stop by and there are toys all over the floor, laundry baskets waiting to be folded, or other messes please excuse them. i want my children to remember love and laughter, not watching me fold laundry. I know those things will have  to happen.  I am fully aware that there is no magic fairy that comes while you sleep. I am just going to change they way i do things. when I do things. how i do things. hopefully i will be better. 

my heart aches for those i know that have lost or are losing children. my biggest fear is that i would lose one of my children. so i want to make sure that they have no doubt in their mind how much i love them and how happy they make me. 

kisses

well there are moments in life that you just can't take back. they seem to move in slow motion. that was a moment i had on Sunday. garran had to go to church early due to meetings and so I got all the kids dressed and loaded them all up in the van. of course as soon as we get to church, briea informs me that she has to go potty. (we are potty training, so this was an important announcement) I unload everyone from the van and we head inside. Trying to get everyone in the building and through the same door some Sundays is like trying to herd cats in one general direction. I get everyone inside and push my was into the ladies restroom. three of the four go willingly. Cullan however absolutely would not go. he stood firmly in the door way informing me that if he stepped foot in the girls bathroom that he would get cooties.

I told him he could stand right out side the door, but that he had better not move. I get briea on the toilet and Kael is using the other bathroom. Ayla is having fun just wondering around the bathroom. Kael finishes and washes his hands. By this point I am helping Briea off the toilet and getting her outfit back together. She starts to wash her hands, Cullan and Kael are at the door arguing about who has cooties now, and I can not find Ayla. I look in the bathroom stall and there she is, her hands wet from toilet water (luckily clean) and in her mouth. (Yeah I know, insert gagging sound).

I dry her hands the best I can and were about to wash them when I got distracted with one of the other kids. Cullan was holding the door open and out she went. I hear her squeal with delight and hear Garran say "Hey A Babe". I come around the corner just in time to see him get a lovely open mouth kiss from her. He looked so happy. I thought for a minute about not telling him but then he went to kiss me. I said, not so fast. I would not be so happy about that Ayla kiss, since her hands were just in the toilet and then in her mouth! He looked a little queasy and that was how our day at church started!

briea.....helping.

i told briea the other day that i had to wash their new sheets before i could put them on the beds. 

she said she wanted to help. so i told her she could take them to the laundry room. when i went to check on the dryer..(wondering why i had not heard the buzzer) i opened the door to find this. 

gotta love how their little minds work!

a date.

I got to go on a date with him.

I was so excited!

He got to go on a date with me.

He was pretty excited too!!!

It was long over do -

Sweetness.

I don't know if I already posted this picture or not. But I wanted to make sure. I love that she has rosy little cheeks and that she is snuggling her baby doll. 

grief.

as this is a family journal of sorts, i post things on here that are more for us than my readers. this is one of those times. above is my older sister and mom. we only found her this past August and met in November. 

yesterday she lost her only son. my heart aches for her. i can not imagine the pain she is going through. to lose a child is not something i have never experienced nor hope to. sadly i know to many that have or are in the process of it. my heart aches for all of them. i pray daily for all of you. today my prayers are for Victoria. I know this time must be unbearable. 

A gift.

there was  a visiting artist at NIU and she did a print while she was here. she ended up leaving the block and so they used it to do a demonstration. Garran thought that I would like one and brought it home for me. Sorry the bottom is blurry. Ayla started to grab it just as i snapped the picture. 

now i will just have to frame it and figure out where to put it!