the future.

sigh.

I am having an off day today.

The last couple weeks have left me feeling anxious and unsure.

I hate feeling like this.

I know that I have done nothing but say how excited I am about Garran being done with school.

But, now that it is actually approaching (faster and faster it seems), I am feeling anxious. Almost like I have to let go of my security blanket. 

Garran has been in school since we got married. That is almost 9 years of school, marriage, kids and life. 

I know how to do school. As much as I hate it, I know how to do it. 

I know how to survive in this life. I know what to expect. Now come May...My world is going to be in a tale spin. 

We are entering a new phase with lots of different choices and decisions. I have to be honest. Having an husband graduating with the job market like it currently is....well lets just say that it does not make sleeping at night easy. 

He is so talented. Everyone he has ever met in his field has had nothing but positive things to say about his work...and he has met some big name artist. But all of that does not equal a job. 

He has great work. He has great references...But if he does not have a job to send it to...Well what do you do. 

I know that I don't want to stay where we are now. There is nothing here. Every summer we struggle to find just a summer job... I mean forget trying to find a full time job. 

But where do we go...What do we do? We have been throwing around all sorts of ideas on what to do...where to go...it just makes me sick. 

I don't know how many people know that I am a planner...but I am. 

I hate not being able to plan things out or know what is going to be coming at me. I hate not knowing what we will be doing in 6-7 months. Where we will be living...if and where Garran will have a job. 

Did I mention I feel sick to my stomach when I think about this to much. 

Well I do. 

I have been praying Garran can find something. That some business will have an opening or that some school will need his amazing skills to teach their students. 

But for now, I guess I just have to focus on today...So I will pick the boys up in a little while, fold laundry, zumba and work on some other stuff. 

Day by day right??